Just cropdusted the office
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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