why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
