Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
