RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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