The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
