Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Just invented taco cereal.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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