my phone needs a breathalizer
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
