I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
