somebody snuck up and got me drunk
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
The power of my boobs compel you
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
