Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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