woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
