Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
