The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
In America we eat man semen.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
