Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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