but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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