dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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