I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
