Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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