I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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