I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
i've created a new STD.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
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