I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Randomize
