I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
