so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
