I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize