It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
