I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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