You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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