Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
