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• (404): View more from Georgia

  I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?

  (503): View more from Oregon

  Succeeded.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.

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• (302): View more from Delaware

  I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.

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• (416): View more from Ontario

  I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.

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• (765): View more from Indiana

  Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.

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• (615): View more from Tennessee

  The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.

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• (513): View more from Ohio

  Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.

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• (727): View more from Florida

  The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.

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• (251): View more from Alabama

  I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.

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• (909): View more from California

  She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.

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• (515): View more from Iowa

  Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.

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• (207): View more from Maine

  I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?

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• (585): View more from New York

  A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom

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