I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
