You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
