My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
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