You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
