Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
