its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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