Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
