I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Randomize
