there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
