you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
