he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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