She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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