she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
