I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
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