I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Randomize
