i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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