so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
