so that wasnt chicken after all
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
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they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
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Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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