no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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