My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
