all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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