I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
