he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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