I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
