the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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