Who did Billy Mays play for?
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He? As in you personified your dick?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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