yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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