I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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