just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
