.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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