my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
