Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
