saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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