She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
