Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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