Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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