Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
