Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
