You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
