um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
