Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
