No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just invented taco cereal.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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