i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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