I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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