saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
