I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
