I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
