That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
