I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I think I just sharted jello shots
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
