bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
