i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Randomize
