Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
