Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
