i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
