i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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