Tell her she can't have a vagina
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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