I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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