I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize