even my farts smell like vagina
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
