i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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