he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
